love-and-relationships

The best way to win an argument with your spouse

Use these six tricks instead of just being passive aggressive.

The best way to win an argument with your spouse

Use these six tricks instead of just being passive aggressive.
  • Sometimes couples fight. And sometimes when the fight is big enough, you simply want to win. Like a war, it's important to know your strategy when fighting with your spouse.

  • You could always be passive aggressive and hope they get your hints and read your mind. This is actually the weakest way to argue because no one can read someone else's thoughts.

  • Or you could try screaming out what you were thinking, but let's get real, no one wants to hear you scream (not even you).

  • You could turn to your wise mother for how she got through her fights with your dad, but they are a different generation and times have changed. How we react to different situations has changed too. You need a current strategy.

  • So the best thing to do would be to talk to a psychologist or a therapist and ask them how to win arguments. Unfortunately, hiring a professional is expensive.

  • Here is the next best thing. What you need to do to win arguments with your spouse is follow Psychology Today's six ways to win any argument.

  • 1. Know your facts

  • Start with yourself first. Why are you upset? Why are you bringing up this argument? What are you hoping to achieve? What do you want to walk away feeling? How many times have you brought this up? How did you come up with your facts?

  • Know what you are feeling and why you are feeling it before you start fighting with your spouse. Sometimes you are struggling personally and you end up exploding on your spouse, but if you are aware of your feelings, you will be better able to communicate (and hopefully not actually end up fighting) with your spouse.

  • 2. Be ready to see your spouse's perspective

  • You can't win an argument without knowing both sides - you need both in order to determine a winner. This means you are going to have to listen while your spouse is talking.

  • You will need to take a deep breath and listen intently to what they're saying.

  • 3. If you can't be open-minded, at least pretend to be

  • This point is closely connected to number two. They will stop listening if they feel like you aren't listening. You have to hear their side of the argument.

  • You might not feel open to what they are saying, but it's important to simply listen. Really listen so you can carry a conversation afterward with what they said.

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  • 4. Keep your emotions in check

  • No one gets anywhere in an argument when someone starts yelling or crying. You need to remain calm if you want to win. In reality, you need to remain calm if you want to resolve the issue.

  • 5. Remain hopeful that your spouse will see your side

  • One of the biggest problems in an argument is the desire to give up halfway through. They aren't seeing your point and you get frustrated and want to just walk away. This is actually the worst thing you could do.

  • Keep talking. Keep working through the problem. Keep trying.

  • 6. Respect your spouse

  • Your spouse is not an idiot. He has reason for his decisions. It's important to get down to the bottom of the disagreement, meaning you get down to why they came up with the solution.

  • Discuss where your opinions are coming from. Don't be afraid to get deep and keep talking. But be sure to respect what they're saying, otherwise your spouse will probably stop sharing.

  • Ultimately, the way to best way to win an argument is to not have one. You will win if you know how to calmly communicate with your spouse and share and respect each other's feelings.

Christa is a part time photographer, part time writer and full time lover of life. She loves eating chocolate chip cookies and singing (but not at the same time). She has her degree in political science.

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