love-and-relationships

You are ruining your relationships by doing this

It's easy to do, but detrimental to any relationship.

You are ruining your relationships by doing this

It's easy to do, but detrimental to any relationship.
  • Do you ever feel like you are stuck in your head? You see things happening in real life and then you analyze and analyze and analyze and the next thing you know, you are so focused on what's going to happen next that you miss the moment.

  • This problem is even worse when you are dealing with it in a relationship. You want to love the person but all you can think about is what is going to happen next. What are they actually feeling? Will they always feel this way? Are people watching?

  • This behavior is called over-analyzing and is sadly affecting many relationships.

  • The reason it's a problem

  • The main reason over-analyzing is ruining relationships is because it doesn't allow either person to enjoy the moment. One person is always worrying about what will happen next or what the other person is thinking while the other person can't enjoy the moment because they can feel how uncomfortable their partner is.

  • It makes both people feel limited, like they can't be spontaneous. Really it just makes them both feel stuck and unsatisfied.

  • Relationships are meant to be fun, exciting and at times unplanned.

  • How to overcome over-analyzing relationships

  • This is hard to do and often doesn't happen overnight. The important thing to remember is that it takes time. Following these four steps isn't going to be easy, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.

  • 1. Remember

  • Remember risk is an important part to every relationship. Risk means being open to the other person and being open to failure. Most importantly, risk means you don't know the end. When you are over-analyzing a situation, you are trying to predict the end without experiencing the beginning.

  • Remember to be patient. Remember things will happen if you let them.

  • 2. Let it go

  • As you remember what risk really means and how you need to be patient, let the weird things go. Weird things just happen - they don't necessarily mean the universe is trying to tell you to end the relationship or get married. Just relax. Let the worry go.

  • 3. Make quiet times

  • Sometimes you just need to still your brain. You are thinking at a million miles an hour. You are thinking about the future, about their feelings, about your feelings and about the stranger who is watching you. Stop. Breathe. Be still.

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  • Breathing exercises are a great way to still your brain. As you concentrate on your breath, you will clear your head and be able to relax.

  • Learn to enjoy the quiet times. Remember risk is important, let the worry go and sit in silence. (learning to meditate might help you to enjoy the quiet times).

  • 4. Talk

  • If you are with your sweetheart, then talk. This one seems strange, but when you are carrying on a conversation out loud, it's hard to carry a conversation in your brain.

  • Get out of your brain and really listen to what they are saying. Enjoy the moments of talking back and forth. When there's a lull in the conversation, instead of panicking, refer back to number three and enjoy the quiet times or simply breathe.

  • We often get caught in our own brian analyzing what is happening in the world and in the future. If you follow these four steps, you will have better peace of mind, your relationships will improve and you will enjoy every moment.

Christa is a part time photographer, part time writer and full time lover of life. She loves eating chocolate chip cookies and singing (but not at the same time). She has her degree in political science.

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