3 ways to know it’s time to give up on your relationship

Here's how to know what a healthy relationship really is.

3 ways to know it’s time to give up on your relationship

Here's how to know what a healthy relationship really is.
  • Your relationship should be a safe place for you to express ideas, hopes, dreams and feelings. If you do not feel safe, you need to get out of that relationship.

  • The most important thing is to remember it's not your fault. Victim-blaming is a real thing in today's society. Sometimes it seems that the only people willing to take responsibility for an action is the victim, which is wrong.

  • When you are in an abusive relationship, sometimes it can be hard to spot. You get blinded by love or fear. And sometimes you can't tell the difference. Here are three common things you might be dealing with if you are in an abusive relationship:

  • 1. Hey says, "You're not good enough for that"

  • Verbal abuse is one of the hardest things to get away from and the easiest to make excuses for. Don't try to brush it off and say "Oh, they don't mean it."

  • If your sweetheart humiliates you, intimidates you or makes you feel worthless, these are all parts of verbal abuse. No one should have to deal with negative feelings and pressures in their relationship.

  • Healthy relationships include people who treat each other with kindness.

  • 2. Their baggage is hurting you

  • Baggage is not necessarily a bad thing for a person to have because it's what makes us who we are. But when it turns us violent either physically or sexually, then the baggage is actually dangerous.

  • The worst type of baggage is when they were never taught to deal with their anger and in turn are hurting you. If they were in an abusive home growing up, they need therapy, not a human punching bag.

  • 3. You make decisions together and they intentionally ignore you

  • You need to be able to have trust in the relationship, and one of the biggest issues about abuse is that you can't trust them.

  • Lack of trust can come in many forms. The most dangerous forms are a cheating spouse or a financially abusive spouse.

  • You may think you're helping them or are strong enough to pull them out, but enduring abuse isn't healthy for you or your partner. It's important to let them know where the line is and that you can't support them when they cross that line.

  • So how do you get out?

  • Find support

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  • Whether it's from trustworthy friends and family or from a local support group, there is never any shame from reaching out and finding the help you deserve. If your abuser has been talking to your family, be sure to visit your loved ones in person so you can get the support you need. Share your side of the story to make sure they understand the truth.

  • Document

  • Document what was happening, what was said and how you are feeling. People are constantly going to court nowadays, and it's not a bad idea to have backup for yourself - especially if you have children or need a restraining order.

  • Get out

  • Start by saving money so you can be financially ready to leave. Also have an emergency bag packed if you need to get out immediately. When you leave, make sure you will be physically safe, even if that means sneaking out when they are otherwise occupied or calling the police. You deserve so much more than feeling trapped and unhappy.

  • Move forward

  • We've all heard about Lot's wife looking behind her and turning into a pillar of salt. They have already taken so much from you - don't let them take any more. Look forward to your future and the opportunities that you can have. Don't feel like you could have stopped them from being an abuser. Let them go. With the support of your friends and family, build a new life.

  • There are few reasons to give up on a marriage, but if you are being abused, there are definite reasons to get out and get the help you deserve. You deserve a happy, safe life.

Christa is a part time photographer, part time writer and full time lover of life. She loves eating chocolate chip cookies and singing (but not at the same time). She has her degree in political science.

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