6 ways to reignite the passion in your marriage

Reigniting the passion in your marriage doesn't have to be complicated. All you really need is the right match.

6 ways to reignite the passion in your marriage

Reigniting the passion in your marriage doesn't have to be complicated. All you really need is the right match.
  • A true spark, like the one you use to light a campfire or a candle, is easy to rekindle when it goes out. All you need are the right tools. However, the proverbial "spark" so many couples refer to when they think of the early days of their relationships can be much more difficult to conjure. Much of what drives the passion in the beginning of a relationship is the newness and excitement of it, after all. So what tools can you use when it feels like that spark has gone out? Here are a few that have worked in the past.

  • 1. Get more sleep

  • Sleeping doesn't sound that romantic, but it's pretty tough to feel passionate if one or both of you keep nodding off before your evening has even begun. Do you (or your spouse) find yourself consistently exhausted by the end of the day from work or taking care of kids? See what you can do to reduce one another's strain with little acts of service. Have you been going to bed too late? Sacrifice a few episodes of those TV shows you've been binge-watching so you can get some extra shuteye. You might have a little less time in the evening to spend together, but what you do have will be of much higher quality.

  • 2. Do something that makes you uncomfortable

  • Could it be that you've been doing the same old boring things for too long? The longer you spend in a committed relationship, the more things you do together, hence the lack of new things to do. Most couples settle into a routine that runs smoothly day in and day out, which isn't a bad thing, but it can be a boring thing.

  • Purposely trying out new things together could be an important step to reigniting that old flame. Whether you're exploring new techniques in the bedroom, strapping yourself to a zipline in Cancun or floating through a river of mud, make it a goal to do something new or different together on a regular basis.

  • 3. Exercise together

  • It might sound counterintuitive, but working up a sweat together can actually fan the flames of your romantic relationship. Psychology Today cited studies which have shown that "after jointly participating in an exciting physical challenge or activity, couples report feeling more satisfied with their relationships and more in love with their partner." Working toward a shared goal, like running a half-marathon or hitting a certain number of reps in the gym, gives you a shared sense of purpose and a built-in motivational buddy who can make trips to the gym more fun.

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  • 4. Make eye contact

  • Sure, you might spend the evenings and weekends inhabiting the same space, but how often are you really present with your spouse? Isn't it easy to get caught up in bathing children, checking emails, watching your favorite sitcoms and scrolling through social media when you could be spending more meaningful time with your husband or wife?

  • Ora Nadrich, a life coach, author and writer for The Huffington Post suggested putting away those distractions whenever your significant other speaks to you. "If your mind starts to wander when your partner or spouse is talking to you, look into their eyes and feel the love you have for them," Nadrich suggested. She said by doing this, a couple will be able to make that personal connection that is missing at other times when you're like two ships passing in the night.

  • 5. Initiate physical contact

  • No, this doesn't mean have more sex (though that wouldn't hurt). Remember all that hand-holding, cuddling and general coziness you enjoyed at the beginning of your relationship? How much of that has fallen by the wayside? If you've let mobile devices or well-spaced recliners separate you, it's time to reinstate that physical touch.

  • Men's Health magazine cited a study performed by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Brigham Young University, who "asked couples to spend three days a week touching nonsexually for half an hour." The study found "the couples' levels of the stress hormone amylase decreased, and the men's blood pressure dropped." It's amazing what a simple touch can do. And what it might possibly lead to ...

  • 6. Take a second honeymoon (or third or fourth)

  • Honeymoons aren't just for newlyweds. Recall how fun it was to take that time to be on your own, just the two of you. Perhaps the doldrums you feel yourself slipping into now have something to do with the lack of time you have to spend with one another. With years of marriage come advancing careers, more involved family responsibilities and a daily march of those everyday challenges that never seem to quit.

  • When was the last time you and your spouse went anywhere besides the movies or a restaurant alone? If it's been a while and you have the time for it, taking a second honeymoon (or just a weekend trip) might be your opportunity to reacquaint yourselves with each other separate from the stresses of household chores and work deadlines. (Xplor is an all-inclusive resort where you get to experience the beauty of Mexican jungles and culture for one small price which means all of the adventure you want with none of the stess.)

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  • Trust us, you can rekindle that spark you once had.

Katie Nielsen received her bachelor's in English with an emphasis in technical writing. She has taught English and is a published writer.

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