Ignore these 3 things and your marriage will NEVER be based on true love

Ignoring these three things could poison your marriage.

Ignore these 3 things and your marriage will NEVER be based on true love

Ignoring these three things could poison your marriage.
  • Have you ever noticed how the smallest thing your spouse does annoys you to no end? No matter what they do or what they say, you cannot shake your unkind resentment towards them. Your desire to control what you cannot control eventually drives a wedge between the two of you and slowly poisons your marriage.

  • It seems like you are on a downhill spiral moving rapidly in a direction far from love. So, how do you overcome this downhill spiral from occurring in your own marriage?

  • Dr. Willard Harley, a licensed clinical psychologist in Minnesota, suggests couples identify and overcome 'Love Busters' (small acts that slowly ruin relationships) as a way to help replenish and strengthen their love and marriage.

  • Below are listed three distinct 'Love Busters' that you need to overcome in your marriage to help you maintain a strong and love centric relationship.

  • 1. Recognize no one has control

  • As a couple enters the legal bonds of marriage, the statement "what's mine is yours" becomes a reality and the need for interdependence is born. What is interdependence? The fine balance between depending on each other but not controlling or completely depending on the other for their own identity.

  • "When two people depend on each other to meet their most important emotional needs, they are interdependent," Dr. Harley said. "As long as the terms are fair to both individuals ("I will meet your needs for affection, conversation, and financial support if you meet my needs for sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship and admiration") and promises are kept, no one feels controlled."

  • The action of give and take helps create a positive and mutual beneficial relationship centered around the romantic ideal "what's mine is yours." Recognizing no control promotes a well-filled love bucket.

  • 2. Respect

  • Respect is the central principle negotiation that compromise is built upon. Without fostering open and judge free communication, strong relationships between husband and wife cannot be developed.

  • Psychologist Peter Gray described the principle of respect when he said, "In a relationship of respect, your task is to understand the other person as a unique individual and learn how to mesh your needs with his or hers and help that person achieve what he or she wants to achieve."

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  • Valuing your spouse's beliefs and opinions will help you discover who they are as an individual and help you fall more in love with them.

  • 3. Dishonesty

  • When you love someone and have a close emotional tie to them, lying becomes a tough task to accomplish. Through time you have come to recognize the small quirks that present themselves when your spouse is trying to lie or misguide you.

  • So why do couples feel the need to lie in a relationship? Maybe they feel like they need to save face or protect the image of their significant other. Whatever the reason may be, lying to your spouse helps drain water from the love bucket significantly faster than any other form of 'Love Buster.'

  • "Even lies told in the name of protecting others can leave you feeling pretty bad about yourself," said Psychologist Lisa Firestone. "You don't feel like an authentic, strong individual when you aren't being honest."

  • If you overcome these 'Love Busters' in your marriage, it will help you maintain a strong and love centric relationship.

Hannah Rose is a content writer for Deseret Digital Media. She loves to run, sing and dance in her spare time.

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