10 reasons why men and women should never seek a lover

Have you ever thought about cheating? If so, read these 10 important reasons why cheating never equals happiness.

10 reasons why men and women should never seek a lover

Have you ever thought about cheating? If so, read these 10 important reasons why cheating never equals happiness.
  • Although the number of men and the number of women are nearly the same when it comes to who are unfaithful, the reasons for cheating vary.

  • However, here are 10 reasons why men and women should NOT betray their spouses.

  • 1. Respect

  • Infidelity happens most often because of a lack of respect rather than a lack of love. When you cheat, it's disrespectful to your spouse, yourself, your principles, your commitments and his or her honor.

  • 2. Commitment

  • When a couple comes together to form a family, the two people are accountable for their choices and commitments. If you have children, you especially need to set an example of following through with keeping your word. You committed to be a family-focus on that.

  • 3. God

  • In most cultures today, adultery is not illegal. However, people should be more concerned about what God thinks than what others think or what the law is. When you marry, you promise to be together in joy and in sorrow and in sickness and in health for this life and forever. Even for couples without a defined religion, living in peace with God's commandments brings happiness in marriage. Honor your word and know how to control your actions and thoughts.

  • 4. Self-love

  • We are not animals, so we shouldn't act like we are. When we cheat, we are not showing love toward ourselves. We are children of God, and when we sincerely love ourselves, we will realize He can help us overcome anything, even immoral thoughts or desires.

  • 5. Trends

  • It's not unique to cheat or betray people. It's everywhere among friends, family, novels, movies, etc. Are you cheating to be part of a group? No. Dare to be different! Have your own perspective of life. It's too trendy to cheat.

  • 6. Cowardice

  • Affairs can sneak in during all sorts of times: when the opportunity arises, during marital conflict, when there is little or no intimacy or when there are financial problems. But seeking a lover during any time is a cheap, cowardly act. It's a way to run away from your problems.

  • Solving problems and strengthening a relationship takes time, but it brings better results, especially in the long run. In fact, those who think having an affair solves problems will soon discover their problems have only become worse not just for themselves but also for everyone around them.

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  • Destroying a family does not bring happiness or good results for anyone involved, much less for the children and future generations. However, investing in marriage does.

  • 7. Integrity

  • Betraying is stealing, lying, exploiting, abusing and hurting. An honest person with integrity will not betray the confidence of anyone-especially a spouse, the mother or father of his/her children. Betraying is an act by dishonest and deceitful people.

  • 8. Self-esteem

  • If you think cheating with someone who "treats you better" will solve your self-esteem problem, you're wrong. If you have low self-esteem, work on improving it in healthy ways. Most people carry their personal problems around like shadows that won't stop following them. Betrayal just shows the character flaws in full light.

  • And, if your spouse betrays you, remember it's more of a reflection of who they are than of who you are. Cheating is a sign the cheater has low self-esteem.

  • 9. Communication

  • The vast majority of marital problems begins and continues from failure to communicate. Understanding how a spouse feels is essential. Leave aside the drama, forgive yourself and others and try to understand where your husband or wife is coming from. Why does he think the way he thinks? Why does she act the way she acts? These are mysteries you can discover together.

  • 10. Connection

  • Betrayals aren't all about sex. Derived from poor communication, lack of emotional connection is what leads husbands and wives to seek "friends" out of wedlock. Whether it's in-person or through virtual reality, opening the door to someone else about your love life will not solve your problems with your spouse. The emotional connection you make with someone other than your spouse when you open up to him or her about your problems, will not create the necessary drive you need in order to resolve your issues with your husband or wife.

  • Lastly, there is one more important reason why men and women should be honest and not cheat on their sweethearts: the sacredness of marriage. The Lord created man and woman so they could create a family. God loves families. The attraction between sexes is sacred and important for this reason. Couples who know how to make Jesus a part of their relationships and who are humble enough to listen to His advice will better understand, forgive and love each other.

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  • This article has been adapted and translated from the original, "10 razões porque homens e mulheres jamais deveriam buscar um amante." It was originally published on

C. A. Ayres is a mother, wife, author and photographer, with background in Journalism and Psychoanalysis.


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