Uncovering an infidelity is heartbreaking and recovering can be even harder. At first you may be shocked and confused. Then you could become enraged and volatile. Disintegrating into a deep depression, becoming paralyzed and numb, or ignoring the incident all together are also typical responses. But healthier methods for moving forward together or apart are available.
Here are five ways to get yourself back on track and heal after your partner has been unfaithful.
1. Don’t blame yourself
Cheating is not about you. Even if you think or were told your partner’s straying was your fault, it isn’t. You could be the worst companion in the world, but that doesn’t mean your partner should cheat. If they’re unhappy they should tell you why, and work it out or leave.
When your partner cheats, they choose to not feel vulnerable or honest or intimate with you. They don’t feel the need to consider their consequences or your feelings. They don’t choose to defend their actions when seeing someone else in secret. But The decision to cheat is just that, a decision. Other options were bypassed and now you both have to mop up a mess.
2. Spend time with friends and family
Surrounding yourself with supportive people who accept and love you will help you heal. People who care about you and your needs will lift you up and remind you of how special and important you are. They know how much you deserve and they know how to engage with you in healthy and constructive ways.
3. Highlight your strengths
Focus on positive self-talk. Every day remind yourself of your good qualities. What are your accomplishments, skills and talents? Why do your friends love you so much? Who is happy to have you in their lives, and why? Bringing up the good will drown out the bad. Criticizing yourself could come naturally, so you may have to do some work to overcome that instinct.
4. Reflect on your flaws without fault
No one is perfect, and everyone has room for improvement. After you’ve found the truth about your partner’s infidelity, it’s a good idea to look at what went wrong in the relationship, but be careful. Tread lightly and don’t blame yourself. You may work too much, spend too much time with your friends and could be more affectionate. These are things you could work on, but they’re not the cause of the affair. They simply put stress on your relationship.
Evaluating and rearranging your priorities turns those challenges into opportunities. Move forward in your current or future relationships to help you move on, improve and reopen your heart.
5. Rebuild your relationship with yourself
You may be doubting yourself after finding out the relationship you thought you had was a lie.Take this opportunity to build the kind of relationship you wanted with your partner, only do it with yourself. Be honest and gentle with yourself. Take care of your needs – emotional and physical. And don’t be so quick to judge or criticize yourself. Be kind and compassionate. Spend quality time alone to get to know yourself and know what makes you sparkle.
Healing after infidelity is possible with some help. Go forward with a renewed sense of self and a better perspective on love.