Tips on making your love-language communication better

Gary Chapman helped the world understand the different sorts of "love languages" that people speak. When members of a family speak different love languages, the communication can be difficult and put a real crimp in the harmony of a home.

આ લેખ વાંચવા માટે આભાર.

I’ll save you the frustration of trying to figure out what that says, in case you’re one of the millions who don’t speak Gujarati. It says:

“Thank you for reading this article.”

When there are different languages being spoken in a home, it often becomes frustrating. Sometimes we give up altogether trying to communicate. It’s no different or less important with love languages. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages helped us understand that we don’t always understand each other’s needs and how we can better do that.

Here’s how they can be broken down

Words of affirmation

This is where you tell someone how you feel about them, what a wonderful job they are doing as a parent, or what a great home they have made. It’s about taking the time to actually put into words what you feel in your heart and what they need to hear.

Acts of service

This is where you show with your hands what you feel in your heart. It would involve things like mopping the floor for her, or making his favorite meal. It is serving another the way they need to be served.

Receiving gifts

Sometimes people need to receive a tangible something that shows them they are important to you. These gifts could be grand, like a piece of jewelry, a cruise, or a little trinket. The important thing is that they feel your love through a thoughtful gift.

Quality time

This shouldn’t be, but is often a neglected luxury. This would involve setting aside work, sports, hobbies, friends, and other things to just “be” with someone. Doing something they would like to do, like the opera, museum, or a sporting event, to show that you love them. Or, just getting a sitter and spending the evening alone at home; quiet dinner, movie, board game. It’s the gift of individual attention.

Physical touch

Some people need to feel your appropriate touch. This can be as simple as touching his shoulder as you walk by, a hug and a kiss every time you part or meet up, or a nice shoulder rub at the end of a hard day.

When there are multiple languages spoken in a home, the best solution is to learn the language of the other people, showing them that you care and that you want to understand them. It’s the same thing with love language. Learn their needs and love them enough to meet them.

Here are some common scenarios where there is miscommunication


Has had an awful day with the children and would love to soak in a hot tub and read a book. She would love for you to handle the children for a few hours.


Sees that she has had an awful day with the children and leaves again, without the kids, to go and fetch dinner and her favorite candy bar, then turns on the ball game while they eat.


Is worried about losing his job and the impact that losing it will have on their family.


Knows that he is worried about something so buys him season tickets for the football season and puts it on a credit card.

These miscommunications are certainly not limited to couples. Each member of our families came with their own personalities and language.


My parents are so busy they never seem to have time for me. All they do is work.


He seems so depressed lately. Maybe that new video game will cheer him up.

Now for the tips

  • Never be afraid to ask what love language they speak and prefer to hear. In fact, that should be something you discuss before a relationship gets serious, but it’s never too late to get started.

  • Once you know, if you are serious about keeping harmony in the home, learn to speak their language.

  • Let them know what language you prefer, so they don’t have to guess.

  • Don’t think that you can change their language to make it what is convenient for you.

  • If you’re not sure what language you actually speak, take the quiz (at the link above) or read the book to help you understand.

Remember that love is an action, not just a feeling. Good relationships and harmony in the home is so worth the trouble of learning someone else’s language and needs.

Becky Lyn Rickman

Becky Lyn is an author and a 35+ year (most of the time) single mom.