There are 3 big mistakes that people make far too often jeopardizing their relationship. What makes this worse is that they probably do not know they are making the mistake or that it is ruining their marriage until one day it all falls apart.
To prevent you from making these 3 big mistakes, let me share them with you along with 3 great pieces of advice.
Mistake #1: They don’t know all of the facts
Before you walk down the aisle, make sure you know everything you can about the other person. Abby Rodman a Psychotherapist says that this is one of the biggest mistakes that can make your marriage an absolute nightmare.
Why you ask?
Of course throughout your marriage you will constantly be learning about one another. But if you learn after the first few months of being married that your spouse has some serious debt he just dragged you into or that he suffers from anxiety, you may feel a lack of trust, betrayal and even some manipulation.
Advice: Ask and seek advice
Consider going to a pre-marriage counselor and ask each other very personal questions in order for you to know as much as possible before you link yourself to that other person forever.
Mistake #2: Their relationship with their families is overwhelming
If you are spending all of your weekends, holidays, evenings and every free minute you have talking on the phone with your mom, eating lunch with your dad, or hanging out with your siblings, your spouse is going to feel like his company is not as valuable.
Family is fantastic- that is a definite fact. But it is important to understand how much time your spouse expects to spend with them and also how important their opinion is in your marriage. You do not want your mother-in-law knowing every little detail about your marriage without you knowing.
Advice: Ask and listen
Jasbina Ahluwalia a professional matchmaking and dating coach advises that when you notice your alone time with your spouse diminishing and the involvement of your in-laws increasing, ask your spouse, “How much family input do you envision us having as a couple with the personal decisions we are making together?” This questions addresses the concern without telling your spouse what is and isn’t appropriate.
It is important to remember that different cultures learn different degrees of appropriateness when it comes to the involvement of their parents in their personal lives and marriages.
Mistake #3: Avoiding the ‘big stuff’ until it happens
So many couples neglect to create a strong foundation in their marriage before hard times approach so they do not know how to help each other get through it.
When you decide to have children, how will you teach them? Have you discussed that? If your spouse’s father passes away, do you know what he will need you to do in order to cheer him up? When you argue about a really small thing, is your relationship strong enough to get over it together?
Significant changes that can bring challenges need to be discussed before your marriage or else you will be bombarded and overwhelmed when that time comes, and I guarantee it will come.
Advice: Ask and put into practice
It is better for you to have discussed the future early in your relationship than too late. Especially when discussing how each of you deals with hardships, it is important to put some of the comforting tips you have discussed into practice.
For example, if your newly married husband does not know what he wants to do with his life and has changed his major in school for the third time, be there to comfort him. No his frustration isn’t life or death, but this is a perfect time for you to show him your love and practice working through this small trial so that when the tidal wave comes, your home is strong enough to fight it off.
Communication and preparation is vital to a strong relationship. As you can tell by the other advice sections, “asking” the questions that may be scary is the most important piece of advice. If you do not ask the questions, you will not get the answer you need. It is as simple as that.