We’ve heard all the clichés and excuses.
It’s not you. It’s me.
We’re not headed down the same path.
I’m not in love with you anymore.
Not all marriages can be saved, but yours might be. Here’s what you can do if your husband is falling out of love with you:
Remember the good times
Reminisce together about your happy memories: your first date, wedding day and vacations. This helps both of you to remember why and how you fell in love. Good memories can even help calm you down when tensions are high. This may be a stage in your relationship where you are on different pages, but you can still work together and get back on the same level.
While tension is something you typically want to avoid, there is one type that you should encourage: sexual tension. One therapist told a couple to refrain from sex for two weeks. He encouraged them to be physically intimate in other ways such as kissing and touching. This exercise built a healthy tension between the couple, and ultimately brought them closer together physically and emotionally.
Disconnect to reconnect
Put down your phone, and give your husband your full attention. If he is the one that is distracted, politely bring it up. Maybe you caught him at a bad time, or maybe he doesn’t realize just how much attention he’s giving his phone. Schedule a time where both of you can set aside your laptops, phones and tablets in order to completely devote your time to each other.
Spend more time together
Evaluate how much time you’re spending together. It is up to you and your spouse to determine how much time you want set aside for just the two of you because life will always get in the way. “The goal, of course, is to find a balance in which both members of the couple are happy with the time they spend together, maintain their outside friendships and family relationships, make progress towards their professional goals, and give the relationship a chance to flourish.” says Theresa DiDonato, Ph.D.
If you feel that you and your husband are drifting apart or “falling out of love,” spend more time together. Try to find time each day to talk or do an activity together.
Greet and part with love
What do you say to each other when you leave for the day? Do you kiss when you return home? Don’t leave your spouse wondering how you feel about them. Say “I love you” when you part. When you arrive home, make it a priority to welcome your husband with a hug or a kiss before jumping into the evening tasks. It might be difficult to do this when you have children and an endlessly busy schedule, but it can truly benefit your marriage if you make the effort.
Express your appreciation
Don’t miss an opportunity to tell your husband how much you appreciate him. Even if it is a task he usually takes care of, thank him. It will bring a smile to his face to know that you value what he does.
You can help close the distance you feel in your relationship. In the words of Dr. John Gottman, “Turning toward one another is a kind of secret weapon against elements such as contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling – factors that can destroy any relationship.”