There is an old phrase, “All’s fair in love and war.”
Do you believe that? Can you really justify all actions in the pursuit of fighting a good fight and obtaining your one true love?
There are times in marriage when your husband can be driven purely by instinct and blinded by the destruction that falls in his wake. Your fights may seem one-sided at times, and his tenacious spirit can be overwhelming. It may feel like your own voice will never be heard or appreciated … but it can and it will.
When your husband is being unreasonable and set in his ways, remember, “All’s fair in love and war.” You can fight the good fight and fall in love with him again by deploying these few tactics.
Walk a mile in your husband’s shoes
Perspective is key. There will be times where you and your partner will accuse each other of things that either didn’t happen the way they were perceived or didn’t happen at all. Avoid the fight of broken trust and resentment by attempting to walk in your husband’s shoes.
Try to see things the way he would see them. Psychotherapist Tina Tessina said, “This also keeps the discussion on a more even level, with both partners discussing the problem rather than one accusing and the other defending. You may learn that your partner even thought he or she was doing something you wanted.”
Understanding his point of view and your own will help you see the bigger picture and help you love him even when he is set in his ways.
Find the middle ground
When your husband is being unreasonable and stubborn, fight to find the middle ground.
Apply the simple principle of give and take. If you are willing to give a little, in turn your husband may be more likely to soften his resolve and give a little in return.
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, a psychologist and marriage counselor advised, “Small concessions lead to larger compromises. Compromise doesn’t have to mean that you’re meeting each other exactly 50/50. Sometimes it’s a 60/40 or even 80/20 agreement. This isn’t about scorekeeping. It’s about finding a solution that is workable for both of you.”
Time heals most wounds
When the knife digs deep, strong feelings of resentment can take time to overcome. Remember who and what you are fighting for. If you truly love this individual, taking the time to fight and overcome your problems will be beneficial for the two of you in the long run.
Say the three little words
Even if you are struggling to love your unreasonable husband, say the three little words: “I am sorry,” and “I love you.”
Sitting down and candidly expressing forgiveness and love will help you and your husband find peace and build trust together.