When I first started the divorce process, it was difficult not to feel negative and angry. Not just at my former spouse, but at the world, itself. The worst emotion was a feeling of worthlessness and helplessness. I recognized that such feelings were not positive, but I had to put forth a fair amount of effort in order to avoid feeling such emotions. I found that a few things really helped me continue having a good attitude, and I hope they can help others, as well.
First, it is important to recognize that your former spouse is still a human being
Despite the betrayal and hurt you may feel in regards to a former spouse, it is important to remember the other person has value as a person. You do not have to like what the other person did, nor tolerate any abuse, but being able to see the former spouse as someone who has value and potential as a person can do wonders to help overcome feelings of bitterness and anger.
Adding to that, it is vitally important to recognize that you are a valuable human being yourself
Divorce often can tear down a person’s self-esteem, and fill one with a sense of failure or worthlessness. It is extremely important to remember that while your marriage has ended, life itself does not need to cease having purpose. It is possible to move forward, it is possible to let the hurt of the past go, and to continue doing worthwhile things for the world.
Another important thing to do, though I admit it can be difficult, is avoid saying negative things about a former spouse in front of your children
Saying negative things to children about the other parent, no matter how justified an injured spouse may feel, is not good for the children, who want to love both parents, and have positive relationships with both. Saying negative things about your children’s other parent will only drag you down emotionally, and will likely backfire as the children get older.
Most importantly, find something positive to do, regardless of what you’re going through
Especially when you are dealing with something difficult. Whether it is writing a book, searching for a fulfilling job, or volunteering in a worthy cause, finding something positive to do, will most certainly help anyone have a positive attitude.
Recognizing worth in one’s self and others, avoiding negative thoughts, and finding positive, productive things to do can help us all remain positive while going through divorce, or indeed, any difficulty we face as we go through life.