So you want to fall in love again (with your spouse, of course)? Bravo! Things are lacking a bit of luster these days, are they? You’re not alone. If you’ve been married more than a few years, there’s a good chance those butterfly feelings have flitted away as you and your spouse have grown “used” to each other. You might be saying to yourself, “But, I’m already married. Can we really fall in love, again, like back in the day?” Of course, you can!
Enter, scientific intervention that will make you “fall in love” with your spouse all over again. Voila! Trust us. This experiment is something you have to at least try.
So, here are the requirements for my version of the “experimental study.”
Go to a romantic place.
Sit across from your husband or wife.
Ask each other a series of questions (here).
Stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.
Pretty simple, right? All with the goal of a closer connection and deeper sense of intimacy and attachment to your spouse. Dreamy, right?
Just think of it. You’re going to take your spouse to dinner, and you’re both going to act like you did before he snored so loudly, she cluttered up your desk, and there always seemed to be another bill to pay.
You’re going to sit across from each other and coyly, openly, and refreshingly talk over dinner. And into dessert. And beyond. You’re not going to talk about how the food tastes, or what you need to do in the yard tomorrow, or something your neighbor told you. Rather, you’re going to have a real, deep, meaningful conversation again. Shocking, I know. None of this sit-across-from-each-other-and-make-small-talk thing that married couples in restaurants do these days.
You are going to ask each other 36 questions over the course of an hour and a half (or more) and have a quality conversation. It’s going to be renewing… and awesome.
And, it’s going to be intimate.
Why? Because you’ll be connecting on a deeper, more emotional level again. And, you know what? That’s attractive. Super attractive! That connection is going to attract you to each other in ways you have long forgotten. The flame will be rekindled. Just trust me.
Next, you are going to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes straight. Yes, stare for four straight minutes. You may feel silly but do it. Set a timer. No talking. Try sitting somewhere romantic where you can look deep into each other’s souls, I mean eyes, and just let yourself feel. Can you feel that natural attraction growing? Fascinating, isn’t it? It’s romantic, too (perhaps more romantic after you get over the awkwardness or giggles).
If you feel like holding hands all the way home, the little experiment was a success! However, it really has little to do with the physical connection and everything to do with the mental and emotional connection. (But those are usually precursors to real deep and meaningful physical connection, by the way.)
Now, science doesn’t have all the answers, and there is a whole lot more to love than this experiment, but one thing is for sure – deep intimate and emotional connections attract us to people. So if you want to be attracted to your spouse and fall in love again, find a way to strengthen your intimate and emotional connection with them. And when you rekindle that connection with your spouse — the same connection that kept you up late at night talking on the phone back in the day and dying to see each other again and greeting each other with hugs and kisses every time you were together again — then you can have confidence that your marriage is going to be a good one, and your love will carry you through all the ups and downs that inevitably will come.
This article was originally published on www.nurturingmarriage.org. It has been reprinted here with the author’s permission.