Are you a humble spouse?
Is your spouse humble?
No one is humble consistently but let’s talk about why it’s important. So, let me ask you again …
Are you a humble spouse?
It seems like a trick question, doesn’t it?
If you answered, “yes, I am” – we probably need to talk. If “no,” – there’s hope. If you answered, “I’m not as humble as I want to be but God is helping me work on it.” – Congratulations!
You’re right where you should be.
We’re all works in progress when it comes to being humble in our marriages … and most other things, too!
If you’re like me when it comes to being humble, some days I’m just tired and cranky. Some days I don’t feel well and don’t have the energy it takes. And some days every person in the house is on my last nerve. I love them but, oooh …
Then, honestly, there are just some days when I want to win.
Setting self aside to nurture and serve our spouse is hard. Especially on days when we’re doing it all or we feel under-appreciated.
There is nothing like living with someone, even if we’re related to them, to challenge our good intentions to love well and practice humility.
I’ve tried to think of some examples of showing humility from our marriage. It’s hard. Telling you anything I’ve done doesn’t seem like humility.
Here let me tell you how humble I am! Nope, that just doesn’t work.
So, I asked my husband Rev if he could think of an example of a time when we both showed humble love.
We decided to tell you about our dogs. Doesn’t everyone love a good dog story?
A Tale of Four Dogs
I am a puppy lover! Especially little fur-balls that don’t shed and love to curl up in your lap.
Rev likes dogs OK but prefers his animals outside.
We got our first dog for our third Christmas as a married couple. I called Rev from the mall while looking at a boy with a box of “free puppies” and said, “I’ve found what I want for Christmas and it’s free!” We’d been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and I was getting more than a little emotional about it. How could he say “no?”
Our second dog came home as Rev was preparing for a fundraising event where he was going to run from Cleveland to Detroit in 10 days. (A story for another day.) I told him if he was going to be gone for two weeks running along the sides of roads, the kids and I needed a dog. Again, how could he say “no?”
Our third dog was purchased to help our youngest with her struggle with night terrors. Again my idea. The dog helped. The night terrors stopped, but that’s all I can say for the dog. She was a Bichon … the runt of the litter, without smarts and with an attitude. When she died at the age of 14 Rev had had enough.
Can you blame him?
Those above examples are not times when my humility was in play. I wanted a dog and I wanted to win.
It’s no surprise that I was ready for our fourth dog way before Rev. He needed a break and I needed to respect his wishes. I needed humble love.
So we waited.
The humble part was not in the waiting, it was in not asking him about it. And for Rev, humble love was the promise that the wait wouldn’t last too long.
Three years later … I did some research and found the breed and the breeder. Rev picked the puppy and the name.
That was three years ago. Sadie is the perfect fit! He’s crazy about her and so am I.
What’s the point?
Humility in marriage shows itself in taking the time to get to know the little things about your spouse. It shows itself in compromise and in the little ways you offer love. It shows itself in sacrifice and service.
So, let me ask you another question.
Are you a humble spouse?
Questions to Ask Yourself to Know if You’re a Humble Spouse
Are you free with compliments and encouragement?
Do you quickly ask for forgiveness?
Do you criticize and point out your spouse’s faults often?
Are you willing to compromise?
Do you listen to understand or to win?
Are you respectful of your spouse’s feelings?
Do you forgive your spouse quickly and easily?
Are you willing to pray more than you complain to your spouse?
Do you have to win every argument?
Are you appreciative? Do you say “thank you.”
Do you make small gestures that will make your spouse happy?
Are you kind?
I’m sure the list could go on and on but I think you get the idea.
Now for those of you thinking, “Yea, but you haven’t met my selfish spouse.”
I’ll say, “You’re right, I haven’t. And I’m sorry.”
Ideally, both spouse’s want to humbly love the other. It’s much harder when that’s not the case. If you’re married to a prideful selfish spouse … pray. Pray like crazy. I’m praying for you as I type this and I’m asking God to work in your marriage and meet your every need.
One more important thing to remember …
Neither you nor your spouse will be perfectly humble. No one gets it right every day. But if you’re both working at it, if you’re both pursuing and practicing humility it will bless your marriage. I promise.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on Deb Wolf’s website. It has been republished here with permission.
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