Maybe he’s told you, or perhaps you can just tell by the look in his eyes. When your husband isn’t attracted to you, it feels like your heart will never stop breaking. After all, as a woman, society constantly tells you that how you look is everything.
What does a wife who has gone through years of caring for her husband and bearing his children do when she realizes he doesn’t think she’s pretty?
Some of our most natural reactions tend to be the most harmful while the things that actually heal require deep soul digging.
Healing can come when you keep these things in mind.
To handle this heart break, never:
Force him to love you
If you feel your husband pulling away, you may naturally cling to him, trying to keep him close. But forcing love (and attraction) will only drive him farther away.
Have you ever tried to push two magnets together with the same sides facing each other? As you move one towards the other, it runs away. So it is with relationships. Work on yourself. Learn to love you. Reach out in positive love to him, but don’t beg, blackmail or bribe. If he has a true heart, in time, he will turn and come back to you.
Hide in pornography
Some women seek validation from sensual material. But no amount of romance novels or pornographic videos will ever cover your insecurities or give you the validation you ache for.
One study discovered that looking or reading porn was connected with high levels of being dissatisfied with your own body and having more anxiety within your relationship.
To move forward and heal, cling to these three saving habits:
Remember, the only thing you can control is love
You can’t control how he feels about you, but how you react is completely in your control. Treat him with love, even if he doesn’t ‘deserve’ it. This doesn’t make you a doormat – it means you are not willing to become a lesser person because of your circumstances.
This might require you to step back and see what’s wrong in his life that is making him feel this way. Chances are, if he doesn’t find you beautiful, he’s dealing with some personal hurt.
Know the best beauty secret in the whole world
Mara Kofoed, who blogs at A Blog About Love, was in a marriage where her husband told her for years that he was not attracted to her. She had no self worth or light, but then a discovery changed everything.
“I finally realized that my truest and deepest identity was not a rejected wife … The new identity I finally embraced for the first time trumped every other identity I had ever attached to. It had a name that was familiar to me, and probably to you: I am a divine woman, a daughter of God,” Mara wrote. “When everything had been stripped from me, I realized the power in that identity. Because it was all I had. Yet I found that it was more than enough.
This knowledge empowers you no matter what your circumstances. After this transformation, Mara became so full of light and happiness that even her neighbors noticed a difference.
If you want to be radiantly beautiful, ask God if he loves you, or pay attention to how you feel when you do a kind thing for someone. If you don’t know how to find out, ask me. Do whatever it takes to find out this life-changing realization. If you REALLY want to know, he’ll let you know.
Exercise, eat healthy and then let the rest go
Obsessive dieting or beauty tricks won’t heal you, but your body and mind feel better when you’re exercising (yay endorphins!) and eating nutrient rich foods. Do what you can, and then step back and know you don’t need extreme measures to be beautiful.
It feels like the end of the world when your husband isn’t attracted to you, but when nothing is going right in your life, you still have yourself. Love yourself for the inspiring, beautiful woman you are, because you are worth it!