Are you a perfectionist? I hear you. I spent my formative years trying to do everything in the best way possible. This desire was carried to my personal relationships. What’s the best way to ensure perfection? In my mind, the only option was to take charge.
Moving from one failed relationship to the next, I soon (unfortunately, not soon enough!) learned a couple of essential lessons. First, perfection doesn’t exist. Second, relationships are messy and sloppy, but that’s their most endearing aspect. Third, there’s no need to dominate everything. And fourth, letting go and allowing a significant other to take charge can feel really refreshing.
If you feel the need to constantly dominate a relationship, you’re committing a mistake. Here are four reasons why being in charge all the time is not good for you and certainly not good for your love life.
Your partner has no freedom
People who are dominant over their partners all the time will soon create a co-dependent relationship that is far from healthy.
Understand you’re taking freedom away from your partner. You’re disabling them from making important decisions. Soon, they’ll either be entirely dependent on you or they’ll seek a way out.
Healthy relationships are all about balance. By balance, I don’t mean making every single decision together. You could be dominant in a certain aspect of the relationship while your partner is dominant in another. However, when it comes to the most crucial parts of your relationship, you both should be involved. By having equal input, you will begin moving forward as a couple.
Dominance easily turns into abuse
Abuse doesn’t have to be physical to hurt. Just talk to a person that’s been in a psychologically abusive relationship. Words can be much more painful than getting slapped. If verbal and psychological abuse continues for a very long time, it becomes intolerable.
The line between dominance and abuse is very thin.
Many people push the power they have over their partners further and further and further. With time, the dominance crosses over into the territory of abuse. Once this happens, the relationship is doomed.
Being controlling is linked to insecurities
My quest for perfection was 100 percent powered by my insecurities. I struggled with body image during my teen years. In my 20s, being in charge was the only way to prevent heartache (getting dumped was not an option). I had to be the one making the decisions.
The desire to be dominant and controlling often indicates lack of self-confidence or other problems you’ve been incapable of resolving. However, it makes your partner suffer.
Instead of committing this major mistake by hurting your partner, address what is making you controlling. Once you understand what’s troubling you and provoking the behavior, you’ll start enjoying meaningful and balanced relationships.
True love doesn’t need that much control
Many of us try to create the perfect relationship through control. The irony of the situation is that real love will just happen. It doesn’t need to be crafted and shaped a certain way. The harder you try to accomplish something, the more elusive it becomes.
All you have to do is open yourself up and make sure you’re dating the right person before getting into a serious relationship. Trying to change or manipulate a person once you’ve gotten together will never produce your “happily ever after.” Figure out why you’re trying to be dominant and how it’s making your partner feel. The sooner you address the issue, the easier it will be for you to find happiness.