Fights do not always end with hugs and kisses. A fight between a couple means they disagree about something. It can involve yelling and screaming, or it may involve no words at all, but rather the silent treatment or more passive aggressive attempts at making one’s feelings known. But what is important is how you recover from a fight; how you get over a fight and move on. Here are some tips on what not to do after a fight.
1. Tell the world about it
It is natural to want justification for your feelings from your friends and family, and what better way to get it than by posting about your fight online, or calling your mom to gush about what just happened to you? This is one of the worst things you can do, however. Once you have put something out there for others to know about, you cannot take it back. Most likely you will make up with your significant other and things will go back to being blissful; but others do not get to experience that feeling of making up, and their opinion about your significant other can change, due to things you said while you were angry. Most likely you will regret telling others about your fights, so it’s better to keep those things to yourself until your fight is over.
2. Let too much time pass before it is resolved
The longer a fight goes unresolved, the harder it will be to overcome. Leaving feelings to fester can only bring more anger to the issue. Some people need to take a minute to calm down, take a walk or think about what happened, but once you are level-headed, go back and resolve things. It may take a few more rounds of disagreeing, but the sooner you resolve it, the sooner you can move on.
3. Hold on to the anger
Holding on to anger is easy to do. It is harder to forgive, to realize that not everyone is perfect according to your definition, and you need to be able to accept their faults and love them anyway. After my initial anger subsides, I find myself thinking about the good things about my husband, the things that make me love him, and that allows me to let go of my anger and move on. Try doing that instead of letting the things that make you mad keep coming to your mind.
4. Let the same problem continue to upset you
If you find yourself constantly fighting about the same thing, then it is not resolved and it will continue to be a point of contention. Take a moment when you are both calm to try and discuss the issue at length. Perhaps, find a mediator to help you both express your feelings without getting overly emotional. Until the problem is truly resolved, you will not be able to move on in your relationship.
5. Not accept an apology
Even if you are still mad or upset, if someone is genuinely asking for your forgiveness, be willing to give it. Holding it back only prolongs the problem and makes the situation worse. If you still need time to cool off let the person know, but also try to truly accept their apology.
6. Act as if nothing happened
One of the worst things you can do is to pretend that nothing happened. If something upsets you, let your significant other know so you can solve it and move on. If you don’t, you may find yourself exploding one day over something little because of everything you’ve kept locked inside. With that said, remember to pick your battles. If you are too nitpicky about every little thing, it can be exhausting and frustrating for both of you. Know when something really needs to be discussed, and when you can let something go.
7. Be stubborn
Sometimes stubbornness can last longer than anger. If you feel you are right and are not willing to see the other person’s point of view, or refuse to budge, take a step back and try to see if you are more set on being right than on resolving the problem. Don’t be stubborn just to be stubborn.
8. Mention the word divorce
It seems as soon as you say anything about getting a divorce the ball just keeps rolling. If someone has that in any part of their mind it is like saying they don’t want to work on the problem, but would rather walk away. There are times when a marriage doesn’t work, but the majority of the time problems can be resolved. Make it a rule to never even bring that word into the conversation. It will make a big difference for what direction your fights take.
9. Not kiss and make up
It is important to reach the point in the argument where you both feel better. Take that time to kiss and make up. Tell each other that you love each other, and apologize so that you can both move on. If one person is still upset, take the time to make sure you reach the point where he or she is OK. Don’t walk away, don’t move on; make it a priority for the fight to be completely over before changing the topic or doing something else.
Fighting is never fun, but by not making these nine mistakes, your fights will be more easily resolved. Remember to continue to love who it is you are fighting with, and realize you can get through disagreements.