Much can be said about the immaturity of men. From my experience, and the experience of my sisters, many are bad boys. But there are good guys too; we are not perfect, but we try. We often get thrown out with the bathwater in terms of generalizations like, “All men are pigs.” I will say 95% of guys give the other 5% of us a bad name. I want to let you have a glimpse into how the good guys actually feel.
Here are 9 things the good guys wished women understood.
It is not about sex
Let me start here. For the good guys, it is not about sex. Sure every guy has a desire to have sex, but that’s the difference between the nice guys and the bad boys: we control our desires and are not sex-obsessed pigs. We desire a relationship, and ultimately we want a family. We do not get married to have sex, and we do not date for it either.
We think differently
Every guy will admit it—we don’t understand women. But women don’t understand us either. That is because we think differently. The first step toward better communication is learning how we communicate and how we think. We talk directly. If we ask a question, we are seeking the answer to that question.
An example? We ask, “Where would you like to eat tonight?” because we would like a straight reply like, “Panda Express.” Or, if you don’t care as long as it is not Taco Bell, then say that: “I don’t really care as long as it is not Taco Bell.” Saying, “I don’t care,” when you really do, puts us in an impossible spot to read your mind.
Asking you on a date is hard
The courage it takes to ask a beautiful girl on a date is far more than we ever thought it would be. It is one of the scariest things we’ve ever done. And, yes, if we are asking you on a date, we think you are beautiful. And, honestly, for every good guy that asks you on a date, there are probably 2-5 that just have not worked up the courage yet.
Asking you on a date does not mean we’re asking you to be our girlfriend or wife
Seriously, we just want to take you bowling or on a hike. We are not asking you to commit to a relationship or to marry us when we ask you on a date. We find you attractive, and we are asking you on a date because we want to get to know you better. If it sounds fun, give it a chance.
Asking you on a date does not mean we are asking you to drop out
We can’t tell you how many times we have asked a girl on a date only to get the reply, “I am too busy with school. I do not have time to date.” We understand school is a priority.We understand you’re busy. So are we, but you can take 30 minutes to grab a bite to eat with us.
Being nice is being honest
In the quest to be nice, please do not lie to us. Being nice is giving us a shot, but lying to us is not. If you don’t want to go on a second date, tell us. Don’t lead us on, and please don’t lie to us. We look for honest girls. If you lie to us, it shows us you are not a good girl, the kind we want and deserve.
Lying makes you less attractive, and honesty makes you more attractive. It is never nice to lie, and it hurts us more than the truth. Truth hurts, but if you are honest with us, we’ll accept it.
We see real beauty
A lot of girls think their beauty is a weight or a dress size, but it is not. Beauty comes from within. You don’t need to be size 0. If you are trying to be healthy for yourself, that is good enough for us. That effort makes you attractive.
We wished the same courteousy applied to guys. One of the most frustrating parts of the dating culture is the double-standard of physical beauty. If a guy says, “I don’t like her because she’s fat,” that guy is a pig. If a girl does not like a guy because he is not muscular, it is “understandable,” and often she will be told she deserves more. However, my sister was once told, “Before you judge a man on his looks, remember he does not wear makeup.”
We hate the dating game
If you like us, treat us with respect. Don’t tell us no, then expect a chase. If you don’t like us, tell us. But this dating game of “chasing” or “mystery” is a joke. If we ask you on a date, it means we see something in you we like. If we ask you on a second date, it means we like you.
We are not always the best at explaining our feelings, but when we tell you something, we mean it. For the good guys, our signs of affection are a big deal; we don’t give them out to anyone. We hate the dating game and all the dating “rules.” We want to be ourselves and to find someone who will love us for who we are.
We don’t expect perfection
A false idea we hear over and over again is guys want the perfect girl. Good guys recognize that what we are looking for is potential and progression and not perfection. We realize, yes, physical attraction is important; but if you are ugly on the inside, no amount of makeup can cover that up.
Yes, we want to be physically attracted to the girl. If we were never attracted to a girl, we would never have asked her on a date. But far more important than looks is character. Who she is and how she treats others is what makes a woman most attractive and beautiful.
If love is built only on physical attraction, it will fail as our bodies are guaranteed to decay. But if you love a person’s soul, you can grow together.
This article was originally published on MyLifeByGogoGoff.com. It has been republished here with permission.