Shortly after I called off my wedding engagement, women flooded me wanting advice on how to know if a relationship was wrong. Although each circumstance was unique, one similarity stuck out to me from every conversation: There is a difference between getting cold feet and being in the completely wrong relationship.
Marriage is a huge deal. Having second thoughts should be expected. It is a sign you understand the commitment you are about to make. But sometimes, those fears are your soul’s way of screaming that something is seriously off.
For those considering getting married, here are some signs that you might want to rethink your decision.
1. You don’t want to become him or her
In 20 years, do you want to be like your spouse? You adopt the qualities of those you hang out with. You don’t have to be crazy about all of his or her mannerisms and quirks, but a good partner means he or she is someone you want to become like.
2. You’re trying to convince yourself
Your partner could be a great person, but still something in you just can’t quite settle on the idea of being with him or her. While logically you might feel like this person has everything you are looking for, there is still something not quite there. You keep trying to convince yourself this is the person you want to be with.
3. It’s hard to imagine a happy future
When you imagine your life married to him or her, does your future seem happy? Imagining a future with your love should make you excited and hopeful. If that’s lacking, why on earth would you want to commit to this person forever?
4. A miniature him or her makes you cringe
Children grow up to be like their parents. Is this the person you want your babies to turn out like? If not, it’s time to call it quits.
5. Uneasiness overshadows the good
Even in the wrong relationships, you’ll have beautiful days. That’s because this person is (most likely) someone you love. At one point in your life you picked this person above all the others you could have dated. But if the relationship is wrong, eventually the days filled with anxiety about the relationship will start monopolizing the majority of the days.
6. Petty criticism
If you are normally a critical person, skip over this. However, for those who rarely criticize people either behind their back or to their face, and criticism toward your significant other starts sneaking in, it’s like a huge waving red flag. Practice only looking for the good in him or her each day, but if the criticism keeps going, it might be your gut telling you something is not quite right.
7. Dreams betray your feelings
Consistently dreaming about your significant other doing bad things might indicate how uneasy you actually are about the relationship. It’s like a sneak peak into your subconscious’ opinion on this whole thing. While your significant other probably won’t ever act this way, a pattern of bad behavior in your dreams can represent the anxieties you’re suppressing.
8. You don’t like yourself
The most important relationship within a relationship is with yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t show the love necessary to a spouse in a marriage. Make sure this person brings out the best in you – someone you enjoy being around as well. After all, you’re stuck with yourself forever.
9. Your gut says no
Deep down, when you’re completely honest with yourself, how do you feel about it? You can’t deny your gut feeling. I say go with your gut, even when you feel like logically there is no explanation for how you feel.