We all hear sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us. Maybe words don’t have the power to physically harm us, but everyone has felt pain at some point as a result of unkind words.
In marriage, it can be easy to fling out these words unthinkingly in moments of anger or frustration. If you want to avoid hurting your marriage, however, avoid these 8 phrases at all costs.
1. “That’s not my problem.”
You’re married. This means if something is his problem, it’s your problem. His problems may be frustrating at times, but if you’re supportive, you can trust he’ll support you as well when you have a problem.
2. “I’ll just do it.”
If he folds the laundry differently than you or puts the cups on the bottom shelf of the dishwasher even though you always put them on the top, it can be tempting to swoop in and just do it the way you want it done. But that is demeaning to your husband. No one likes to feel like their efforts are unacceptable.
Furthermore, not only does saying this hurt your husband, but it’s also going to leave you “just doing” pretty much everything around the house.
3. “Get over it.”
Telling your husband to get over it is actually a form of abuse called gaslighting. With this phrase you are trying to make him feel like something is not a big deal and is just in his head. However, if something is a big deal to him, you should be considerate enough to validate him. Try to understand his perspective instead of brushing him off.
4. “Why can’t you be more like … “
Comparison is the opposite of happiness. Whether you say it out loud or not, don’t compare your husband to any one in any way. Your husband has wonderful qualities that the person you are comparing him to does not have. Asking him to be more like someone else disregards all the good qualities of your husband. Comparing will only make you unsatisfied and hurt him.
5. “You always … ” (or) “You never … “
Whipping out one of these absolutes corrodes relationships because they are exaggerations (read: lies). Your husband doesn’t alwaysleave his dishes in the sink neither does he never listen when you’re talking. If you’re tempted to use one of these words, take a step back and reevaluate your perspective before expressing your feelings.
6. “If you really loved me … “
Using this phrase is an attempt to manipulate your husband in the name of love. Don’t reduce love to something as miserable as manipulation. Although love needs to be worked at, even within marriage, you should never prescribe what your husband needs to do to earn your love.
7. “I told you so.”
Sometimes we’re wrong, and that’s okay. The both of you will have your share of opportunities to say, “I told you so,” but this phrase is extremely demeaning. Saying this will only function to build resentment in your relationship because you’re treating your husband like a child.
8. “It’s your fault.”
Even if something is his fault, pointing fingers will not solve the issue. As a companionship, the responsibility of solving issues falls on both of you, so go ahead and work to rectify the situation instead of making him the guilty party.