Who better to give marriage advice than people who deal with failed marriages as a career? These divorce lawyers have some amazing insight to what causes marriages to fail and what to do instead.
Don’t think you can change them to fit your ideal
Alyssa Eisner from New York City says to “be true to yourself,” and “don’t think you can change the other person. You can’t.” In other words, if you really want a specific attribute in a spouse, be true to your wants instead of marrying someone thinking you’ll change them to be your ideal down the road.
Make the hard decisions before they come up
“Death, disease, employment, family, location -people often prefer to avoid difficult conversations with their partner,” says Robert Lewis from New York City. “But failing to speak frankly about these issues doesn’t mean you won’t have to face them, it just means you’ll be sorely unprepared when you do.” It’s better to prepare for handling these situations before the two of you are actually facing them.
Use caution with social media
“Be judicious with social media,” says Zephyr Hill from San Diego. “Healthy relationships require spending time together in real life, and social media can be a hazardous distraction. Broadcasting the details (good or bad) of your relationship is a recipe for disaster.”
Joryn Jenkins from Tampa suggests married couples find hobbies they both like to do together. “Whatever interests you share, engage in them together. And if you don’t share any, then one of you must change your interest,” Jenkins says. Sharing hobbies is a great way to spend essential time together and to add fun to your marriage.
Consider their friends
Ken Alan from Seattle advises we pay attention to our partner’s friends, because disliking them can be a red flag for your relationship. “Most people choose friends because they have similar personalities and traits. If you don’t like your significant other’s friends, but think your boyfriend/girlfriend is impeccable, you might be ‘blinded by love’ and overlooking some serious personality flaws.”
Be open about your finances
“Couples should feel comfortable talking about money issues with one another (and revealing all) in order to keep their relationship intact,” says Cari Rincker from Manhattan. She says people going through divorce are almost always fighting about money. But financial problems are often a symptom of other issues affecting the marriage.
Decide to be happy
Rebecca Zung from Tampa says the number one thing she’s learned from her professional experience as a divorce attorney and her personal experience divorcing and happily remarrying is: “You have to simply DECIDE you are going to be happily married.” This means making a deliberate decision every day to prioritize your marriage and schedule time together. “Also, make sure you consider everything you do in the context of how it will impact your marriage,” Zung said.
Hopefully, if we follow these wise divorce lawyers’ advice, we can avoid needing their services.