The day I held my daughter for the first time, an immense (almost impossible to bear) sense of responsibility came into my life. Her sky-blue eyes looked at me intensely as if to say: “Here I am, now you must protect me,” and at that moment, my life changed forever.
The day we decided to pierce my youngest daughter’s ears (we also pierced her older sister’s ears the same day), she cried when they poked the hole. It hurt me, and I could not help but think she had been born perfect – without holes – and that I, because of fashion, had changed it.
Children come to us one hundred percent defenseless with a perfect soul. They are in our total and complete mercy. Every time you make a bad decision, you are leaving a hole in their hearts, and, no matter what you do, it will never be the same. If you decided to be unfaithful to your partner, you also decided to destroy your children’s lives.
These are the seven wounds that will not heal in your child’s lives if you cheat on your spouse:
1. Children will more likely create future unfaithful spouses
According to Ana Nogales, a clinical psychologist, “55 percent of children from families where one or both parents were unfaithful are also unfaithful in their adulthood.”
You are their greatest example, and in their little minds, whatever you do is fine. Teaching someone that infidelity is an acceptable behavior through example is like teaching a 2-year-old to abuse substances like alcohol or drugs.
2. They experience the worst kind of betrayal a human can experience
The betrayals that come from friends, couples or more distant relatives don’t hurt at all compared to the betrayal of a parent. It’s not natural for children to have to learn how to live with betrayal since they were not created with the ability to understand the betrayal of a parent.
For children, betrayal from one parent to the other feels like betrayal to the whole family and their future dreams. It is the greatest fear and uncertainty that a human can feel. If you betrayed your partner (the mother or father of your children), what would prevent you from failing your children again?
3. They will start panicking about abandonment
Children realize that parent who was cheated on did nothing to deserve that abandonment and betrayal (because no one deserves that).
So, children of unfaithful parents grow up with a insecurity and develop a deep fear of abandonment. This significantly impacts their future. As an adult, these individuals tend to push away everyone who shows them love, because they fear they will lose them anyways.
4. Children learn to distrust (everything and everyone)
According to the Huffington Post, 75 percent of children with unfaithful parents develop abnormal distrust issues (ie, they distrust so much that they find it almost impossible to have a healthy and lasting relationship).
5. They do not believe in love
Eighty percent of these children do not believe in love when they reach adulthood. This means they develop destructive behaviors when it comes to love. They find it extremely difficult to believe they can have a loving family. A large percentage of them engage in short, casual relationships, panic over commitment and sabotage all relationships they have in fear of having their heart broken.
6. They will choose sides
This happens in all divorces. Children feel they have to choose between one parent. What many parents fail to fully understand is that having both parents present in the relationship is extremely important for their children.
7. The damage lasts forever
The damage of infidelity does not start the day that the child learned of the betrayal and does not end with the separation of his parents.This betrayal will change your whole family dynamic – for the rest of forever. The damage it causes is unmeasurable.
If you have a family, think 100,000,000 times before cheating on your spouse. Remember that you are comparing a simple adventure with the unconditional love of those who love you more than you can measure: your spouse and your children.
This article has been adapted and translated from the original, “7 formas en las que DESTRUYES a tus hijos cuando decides serle INFIEL a tu esposa,” which was published on familias.com.