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While sex and attraction don’t mean everything about your relationship, they do set a marriage apart from other relationships. Sexual intimacy is something you only share with your spouse. If that aspect of your relationship is struggling, try these seven things to keep it alive:
1. Go to a bar
Get that fire burning again by using the same match that sparked it in the first place. Go to a bar and pick each other up. Go on a first date and get to know each other all over again. Sometimes getting back to the basics (and away from daily stresses) can be just the push your relationship needs to rediscover romance.
2. Learn his love languages
Attraction has a lot to do with how we feel the other person feels about us. In other words, maybe he isn’t feeling attracted to you because he simply isn’t feeling love from you. Oftentimes, this is simply a disconnect between the way we express love and how the other person feels it. By learning your husband’s love language, you can know he appreciates a compliment more than a kiss or a gift more than service; You can show him affection in a way that he really feels it.
3. Avoid pornography
While couples report that pornography has positive effects, studies show that porn commonly has a negative impact on sexual expectations. Since pornography is generally an idealized or fantastical version of sex, it can create desires or expectations for intimacy that aren’t shared by partners. Instead of watching pornography, create an open dialogue about sex between you and your husband where you each talk about what you like and don’t like.
4. Do something thrilling
Studies show that doing something novel and exciting boosts attraction. If you feel bored in your relationship, go skydiving, go to a rock concert or rob a bank (wait, don’t do that). Just do something that will get your adrenaline pumping. The influx of adrenaline and other hormones will naturally increase your attraction to your spouse.
5. Ask him 36 questions
Scientists set out to understand how intimacy is created and they found it: 36 questions that unlock love. Attraction is made up of so many elements that we sometimes forget how much emotional and mental intimacy play into overall attraction. If you want to reignite your husband’s attraction to you, try asking him these questions.
6. Redefine attraction
Sometimes we believe the fallacy that attraction is all about physicality when in reality it is a culmination of elements. We are attracted to confidence, a sense of humor, intellect, etc. Take a step back and evaluate what attraction means to your husband so you can increase the ways you are exuding that attribute.
7. Gaze deeply into his eyes
Some studies find that gazing into someone’s eyes for an extended period of time can actually ignite passionate feelings. It’s a strangely vulnerable feeling, but if you can last for a few minutes, this practice can have an affect on how much your husband is attracted to you.
8. Have some “me” time
Maybe the issue isn’t with the way your husband sees you, but with how you see yourself. Take some time to do whatever it is that makes you feel confident and beautiful. This could be anything from manicures to mountain biking. Whatever it may be, take the time to make yourself believe in your own attractiveness.