The work of a mother is never done. You work seven days a week, you’re always on duty, you never have vacation days and many women work without the support of a spouse. But there are also women who struggle because their husband doesn’t understand how hard they work. If you’re a husband who is working while your wife tends to the children, there are some things you need to know.
When only the husband is working and earning an income, sometimes unnecessary tensions and arguments arise in your relationship. But no matter the economic stress, you should never say these things to your wife.
1. “I earn the money so I make the decisions”
Nothing can be more hurtful than this. While your wife may not be bringing home a paycheck, that does not mean she cannot help make decisions in your relationship. Who is working outside of the home and who is working in the home does not designate who is in charge.
When you marry someone, all important and small decisions must be made as a couple – even the economic ones.
2. “If you are going to buy something, you must ask permission”
Your wife is not your employee, and this comment puts you in that situation. It’s one thing to ask your wife to consult the finances before a big purchase, but she shouldn’t have to feel like she is “borrowing” money if she’d like to go out for lunch.
If it were the other way around, you would not appreciate this controlling behavior. Remember that your wife is your partner. You are there to support each other through the ups and downs of life.
3. “I don’t have to explain what I do or don’t do with my money”
You may be adding to the bank account but that does not give you the sole right to control the finances. As a couple, that money belongs to the both of you.
4. “What do you contribute?”
This is a question that shouldn’t even be asked, no matter how angry you are. Your wife does so much for your family and your home. If your family is going through financial troubles, don’t blame your wife. Instead, sit down and talk realistically about how you both can change to help your family. Find ways to cut down on spending or discuss how to generate some more income in a way that won’t disrupt your family.
5. “I am going to give you a monthly allowance”
It may seem like a solution, but “allowing” your wife to spend a certain amount of money a month is demeaning. It’s not fair for you to decide how much she should spend because finances (no matter who is earning an income) should be an open discussion between you and your wife.
While this might seem fair for some, it is not. Remember that for your relationship to work, both should be seen, treated and respected as adults.
6. “You’re only with me for the money”
This is never OK to say. Most women are completely qualified to work outside of the home but choose to stay home and raise a family. They’ve traded professional fulfilment for the fulfilment of being a stay-at-home mother. If your wife has chosen to stay at home for the family, every man should appreciate that sacrifice and find value in her work.
Although you may have numerous economic problems, pressures, and worries, taking it out on your wife will never be the solution. Instead, discuss concerns with your wife. Marriage is a partnership that isn’t determined by paychecks. By having open communication, you both will be better equipped to solve any financial troubles as a team.
_This article has been translated and adapted from the original article, 6 cosas que NUNCA le debes decir a tu esposa que NO trabaja fuera del hogar. It was originally published on familias.com.