All of the hard times in a relationship should add up to a small fraction of your relationship. The good should outweigh the bad, no matter what.
If you are often stopping to think where your relationship is headed and whether you are being treated well, it may be time to seek some professional advice.
Here are 6 behaviors that cross the line:
1. An unsupportive spouse
You can have all the happiness in the world outside of your marriage, but if you do not feel like your partner is proud of you, it doesn’t mean a thing. Constructive criticism is one thing, but a jealous, controlling and insecure relationship is another.
It is hard to feel confident outside of your own home, especially without the support of your spouse. If you do not feel like your actions will ever be good enough to receive their approval, walk the other way.
2. Abuse of any kind
Abuse does not only come in the form of physical. Emotional abuse can get so bad without you even realizing it. If you find yourself doubting your capabilities, neglecting to feel loved, or constantly trying to please your partner, than you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship and not even realize it.
Does he joke about events in your life that were traumatic? Does he talk about his exes because he knows it irritates you? Have they shared your secrets multiple times to the people you love?
You do not have to stay in that relationship. Overcoming abuse is tough, but it can be done. It is an illness that can take over your life. Chose what is best for you and your happiness.
3. A partner who forces intimacy
Marital rape is illegal and very rarely reported, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Many believe it is a ‘wifely duty;’ how untrue. If you are feeling pressure from your spouse to have sex and are told that you ‘owe’ it to them, the relationship is leading towards an unsafe environment for you.
There are hotlines that you can call and resources you can look at to learn more about partner rape if you think you may be a victim of such an act.
4. When you are shamed for what you look like
A friendly push to get you to the gym or to drop the tub of ice cream is one thing. But constantly being told you are only beautiful with make-up on or are being a size 2 is another.
Does he go a step further and call you rude names when you are showing ‘too much skin’ and trying to look sexy?
We are all built differently and that makes us unique individuals. If he cannot see that after a few years of marriage, how can you show him? If there is no answer, than you may have to consider finding someone who will love you no matter what.
5. You are mine and mine only
If your husband tries his hardest to keep you from seeing your friends, this is a big red flag. He may be just jealous and spending more quality time with him could fix it, or he could be so controlling to the point where your happiness, personal relationships and ability to take care of yourself is in jeopardy.
If your friends do not like your spouse, than he may intentionally keep you away from them so you do not look at his flaws and learn to resent him.
6. A cheater or one who accuses you of cheating often
He can’t seem to trust anyone, not even his own friends. When you leave for a few hours to run errands, he accuses you of having a secret life with a different man. This doesn’t stop the more you are faithful to each other.
If this comes to the point where you essentially feel like a prisoner in your own, and you have tried to express your anger with his lack of trust, you may have a big decision to make.
If you do the same thing to him, you cannot expect him to quit his habit but you keep yours. That is not how it works. The double standard makes it even more evident that the problem is double sided and the behavior must stop before someone actually does cheat.
I firmly believe that any two people can make a marriage work if they have the desire to try. There does come a point where one partner stops trying and it is time to seek additional help, or possibly leave the relationship before it gets dangerous.