It may not surprise you to hear that 40-50 percent of married couples will get a divorce. 10 years from now the percentage is projected to be even higher than that as well. Reading these statistics is not as surprising as it should be due to the fact that our culture has led us to believe in false deceptions of what a marriage is and when there is no hope of rekindling the fire that was once burning bright. There are 6 lies in fact that are molding the minds of the young and old into thinking there is no hope for a happily ever after.
Lie #1: “My private immorality does not affect my marriage.”
This belief is a lot more common then you may think. Many people think, ‘I can view pornography whenever I want, wherever I want, and it will not affect my marriage.’ The research conducted by Kirk Doran and Joseph Price in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues, has proven otherwise.
According to the data gathered from 20,000 married adults, “We found that adults who had watched an X-rated movie in the past year were more likely to be divorcees, more likely to have an extramarital affair, and less likely to report being happy with their marriage or happy overall.” They found many more shocking facts in their research that may be of some help to you if this addiction is impacting the happiness of your marriage.
Lie #2: “The mistake I made is so bad that we need to get a divorce to be happy.”
Building trust again after a sexual sin was committed, addiction got out of hand or something of that nature can actually make your marriage happier than it ever was before.
Lie #3: “Breaking the covenants we made won’t hurt me or my children.”
Divorce does not fix everything, especially if there are children involved. There is no guarantee that your children will be okay with the separation. Knowing that their parents are not in love with each other anymore may possibly have an impact on how they view love, divorce and especially marriage.
In the Journal of Adolescence: Adolescents with a childhood experience of parental divorce: a longitudinal study of mental health and adjustment, their study concluded that, “Parental divorce was prospectively associated with a relative change in anxiety and depression, subjective well-being, self-esteem, and school problems.” So yes, your children are affected by a divorce.
Lie #4: “My wife and I are too different.”
I can’t think of one couple that is perfectly compatible. You have chosen to marry a flawed individual and are now complaining about it? Learning through counseling, trial and error, leaning on your faith, or taking marriage classes at the nearby college is the best way for you to learn how to work together when times are getting tough.
Lie #5: “My happiness is THE most important thing in my marriage.”
Why did you get married in the first place? Was it for you? Communicating with each other is the most important thing in your marriage. A friend told me recently that she never felt like her ex-husband was her best friend. She would talk to her mom about her frustrations and her workday instead of her husband.
You will be happy in your marriage when you realize that you and your husband are on the same team and need to work together to get to the final destination.
Lie #6: “I should get a divorce if I don’t love him anymore.”
If you are religious, then one of the best ways to work through your marriage when the love is gone is to re-establish (or establish if you’re not religious) and understand God’s love. Learning the skills that He exhibits like patience, kindness, and a Christ like love can turn into an even greater love than you had before.
These are myths that we have believed for such a long time. Marriages have ended because of these exact lies and it has very likely affected you personally already. Don’t get warped into believing that marriage isn’t worth anything. It is worth every penny.