Having a good marriage is hard; you need to work on it constantly. Because of this, routine, children, work, and other things get in the way and our relationship suffers.
Sometimes we look to someone else to make up what’s lacking in our relationship. The reality is that this new “relationship” is an illusion, and unfortunately, one of the most difficult situations from which few relationships recover.
Overcoming infidelity is a notably physical, mental and emotional challenge. Some people choose not to continue the relationship because the wound is too large, and they feel there’s irreparable damage to the relationship. Others decide to stay in the relationship and work on healing it.
Although both decisions are acceptable and very personal, this advice applies to those who choose to stay.
1. Accept that your negative emotions are normal
Experiencing feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, despair, and loneliness is normal. It is natural to want to avoid these feelings, but everything has its process and you have to go through these emotions to heal properly.
2. Be patient with yourself
It’s completely normal if you’re paranoid and doubt everything that your partner does. Confidence has to be won back and it takes time. For the moment, accept that you will mistrust your partner but know that eventually it can improve if your partner is willing to earn that trust again.
3. Accept that it was not your fault
It is easy to think it was your fault, or that you did something wrong. Although you’re both responsible for working on your relationship, the decision to be unfaithful was the decision of your partner and that person is responsible for the decision.
4. Find a way to deal with your emotions healthily
Look for professional help, write, try art, dance, or exercise. Make sure you have an outlet for your emotions because if you keep all those emotions in they always end up coming out and you should avoid allowing them to come out in a way that’s not productive.
5. Do not involve your children in fights
It is very tempting to want your children to be on your team and against the person who committed the indiscretion, but it’s the worst thing we can do for your children.
Surely they know that something is wrong, and the least we can do is try to provide some level of stability. They are still our children, and it is our responsibility to care for them despite what is happening in our personal relationship.
When we cultivate a healthy relationship with our children, it helps us with our own pain and the family’s pain.
No article is long enough or comprehensive enough to cover this difficult subject. However, there are other resources and ways to cope whatever your decision is. Don’t worry about what other people think you should do. Be patient with the process, patient with yourself, and patient with your own emotions.
_This article was translated and adapted from the original article 5 consejos para salir adelante después de la infidelidad.