Fights happen in every marriage – even happy ones. But the way you fight is really what matters. After all, studies show
how you fight can predict divorce with 93 percent accuracy.
Couples who fight with what acclaimed marriage professional John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen, (contempt, stonewalling, criticism and defensiveness) are forming a relationship that’ll end in divorce, no matter who “wins” the arguments.
But for couples seeking a lasting marriage, fights are fought fair… except when you need to let your man win for the greater good. There are times when trying to scrape out a “victory” causes more harm, hurts more feelings and creates more problems. So, in these five situations, it’ll do more for your relationship if you let your husband “win”:
1. The “I’m not arguing with you, I’m just…” argument
You know when a casual conversation turns into something more heated? And the minute you say “let’s not fight about this,” your mister retorts with “we’re not fighting, I’m just stating simple facts.” Cue the eyeroll here. You both are obviously arguing but are you going to stoop low enough to argue about arguing?
In this situation, just let him talk. If you need to, wait until tempers simmer down so you both can talk without trying to pick a fight.
2. Which route is faster
This classic marriage argument is one you should let your hubby win. Fighting over whether it’s faster to turn right and take Grange Ave. or to hop on the interstate is just one of those unnecessary tiffs. It’s better to just cut this argument out of your relationship. Over the years, it’s more worthwhile to end up being a few minutes late and arriving as a happy couple, rather than constantly fighting whenever you get in the car and always arriving red in the face.
3. The “well you said, soI said” fight
No one has a perfect memory, so when your spouse “quotes” what you said, they are asking for trouble. You’ll sit there and correct his quote, then he’ll say “no, that’s not what you said” and you’ll say “well I’m the one who said it, so I should know,” until the whole conversation spirals out of control. If your husband got the gist of your message, let him misquote you and move on.
4. How to load the dishwasher
Oh, the eternal struggle. Couples spend their whole marriage arguing how to properly nest bowls and stack silverware. If your husband insists on loading a specific way, compromise and let him also do the unloading, and save your arguments for more important matters.
5. When he “needs” a win
You know those little moments when your husband is telling a story and says something happened on Tuesday, and it actually happened on Thursday and you correct him? Or when he claims Cheerios is the best cereal and you beg to differ? You almost do it without thinking, but that habit should cease entirely. Don’t let your man step all over your opinions, but on days when he needs a win, let him say “Tuesday” and allow him to enjoy his Cheerios without your criticism.
Of course, you don’t want to let your spouse control your thoughts and actions, and you shouldn’t just play the role of the submissive wife who lets her man “win” every argument. Rather, these choices are motivated by love. You should be willing to put aside your pride and stubbornness to arrive a few minutes late because you love him.
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