A kid’s version of the world is so pure that we often mistake this purity for naivety, when in reality, it reveals truth. When you were a kid, maybe you had some ideas about love that you’ve now discarded, deciding they were childish myths. However, some of these so-called “lies” about love are actual truths, and disregarding them can be damaging.
Here are four things you used to believe about love that are actually true:
1. Your love will last forever (and ever)
When you were young, you probably believed in happily ever afters, but time and experience has jaded that belief. Maybe you’ve witnessed people divorce or become trapped in unfulfilling marriages. Maybe you believe it’s not evolutionarily logical to stay with the same person. At any rate, you may believe that love is unsustainable and romance isn’t meant to last.
However, the idea that your love will last forever isn’t necessarily a lie. In fact, Dr. Bianca Acevedo conducted a study of the brain that revealed the initial “spark” of love is never actually lost. Meaning that not only does love not have to die, but romance doesn’t have to either.
But if you believe that lasting love is a myth, you won’t put in necessary effort to keep it alive, which will cause it to die, thus fulfilling your misguided belief. Have hope that your love is forever by constantly nurturing it the same way (or better than) you did when it began.
2. A first kiss is magical
When you were little, you probably envisioned a beautiful first kiss where the stars burned brighter, an orchestra began playing and you felt like you were flying.
No one needs to tell you these ideas are not reality. First kisses can be clunky and awkward (especially your first kiss, ever). However, when a first kiss doesn’t “lift you up where you belong,” it doesn’t mean it’s any less magical. A first kiss is the start of a new relationship, an intimate physical connection and an expression of love. Maybe the moment of the kiss doesn’t inspire a firework show, but everything else it stands for makes it the most magical thing of all.
3. Meeting the love of your life is fate
As a kid, you probably imagined one day boarding the wrong train and there you would meet the love of your life (who had, of course, also boarded the wrong train), bringing the two of you together by fate. These days, you probably believe your love story will play out in any way but that.
This isn’t to say that if you sit on your couch watching rom-coms and eating cookie dough, your true love will come knocking on the door with a bouquet of long-stem roses, because you certainly need to put some effort into finding love.
But just because you’re putting in effort, does that make it any less fateful? You meet tons of people, go on plenty of dates and may not want to spend another minute with any of them. So, finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and someone who wants to spend the rest of your life with you, well, there has to be an element of fate involved.
4. Marriage will make you happy
Fairy tales taught that marriage is the resolution of problems and the beginning of happily ever after. That fantasy dissolved when you realized you are responsible for your own happiness.
And that’s true. If you are an unhappy single person, you are going to be an unhappy married person. Happiness isn’t something that is dependent on circumstances, it’s dependent on you.
That said, marriage can make you happy. To live with someone you love, to be supported and to serve someone unconditionally – these elements will make you happy. The catch is, in order for marriage to make you happy, you have to be the kind of person who cultivates happiness in her life through gratitude and optimism.