We’re social beings. We like to talk. We live in groups and are more connected than any other time in the history of the world. That said, there are a few topics that should stay between husband and wife.
Healthy communication with your spouse will go a long way in deciding what those topics are, but here are three suggestions to get you started:
Sex is an exciting topic and one that is certainly flaunted by almost every one of those magazines you see in the check-out aisle, but it’s a profoundly personal subject that you should only discuss with your spouse.
Why? For a couple of reasons. First, refrain from getting too chatty about intimacy out of respect for your husband. How would you feel if you knew he was discussing the details of your intimate relationship with his buddies at the office? Whether things are going great or you’re really struggling, keep it between you two.
Those intimate moments are a monumental show of trust and vulnerability. Don’t betray that trust by publicly flaunting your relationship. Don’t even do it privately, unless it’s with him. If you want to talk to your friends about something, ask him if it’s OK first. Hopefully he treats you with the same level of respect.
Talking about your intimate life also opens up all kinds of potential issues with jealously, comparison, pride and good old-fashioned annoyance. Keep intimacy between you and your husband. If you feel like help from an expert is necessary, make that decision with him and go from there.
2. Complaints about your husband
In other words: Don’t gossip about your spouse. It’s not cool. If you’ve got a problem, talk about it with him. That sounds all well and good in principle, but actually living this rule is more difficult. If you want your relationship to last, give it the treatment it deserves.
Just because you live with him doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve all the respect you can give him. So, when your girlfriends get together and start bashing on their husbands, don’t join in (no matter how tempting it is).
When you gossip about your husband to others, you’re essentially asking them to think poorly of him. Is that what you really want? No? Then stop it.
3. Issues with the in-laws
If your in-laws are awesome, shout it from the rooftops. If they’re terrible, don’t go venting to social media or your Wednesday book club. Be especially careful about venting to your parents, as they’ll quickly become defensive of you, tainting their impression of the in-laws for the foreseeable future.
If you’ve got issues with the in-laws, talk about them with your husband first. Make a plan together on how to best deal with the situation. Venting to him may be enough. Maybe you’ll both decide the issues aren’t a big deal, or maybe you’ll decide to talk to the in-laws about them directly.
Did we miss anything? What other conversations should be kept between you and your spouse?