3 secrets you’re telling your friends that are destroying your marriage

Your spouse confides in you. Here's three of his or her secrets to keep.

We all keep secrets. Whether it’s about what you really did on senior night in high school or what you really think about your boss, we all keep things secret that we don’t want others to know. In a marriage, we try to get close to our spouse by letting them in — and we tell them things we wouldn’t tell just anyone.

Unfortunately, while you’re out and about with your friends you can’t help but slip a few things into the conversation about your spouse. Whether it’s in the name of fun or you’re just trying to vent some frustrations, you talk about some things that your spouse doesn’t know about. While some of these are harmless, there are some things that harmful to your marriage. Here are three things that you shouldn’t be venting about to your friends.

1. Annoying habits

Everyone has annoying habits. And no matter how much you love your spouse, they have annoying habits, too. If they truly bother you, those issues should be brought up between the two of you. If they’re not that bad, then let them go. Telling your friends annoyances about your spouse will be very hurtful if he or she learns you have been talking about them. It is similar to overhearing gossip about yourself from some coworkers — do you both a favor and keep your spouse’s habits to yourself.

2. Your in-laws

There’s a reason there are so many jokes about in-laws: just about everyone has problems with them at some time or another. However, when you married your spouse, you married into his or her family. So when you talk about your in-laws behind your spouse’s back, it hurts them. No one’s family is perfect, but loving them in spite of imperfections will bring much more joy than constantly complaining.

3. Intimacy

Intimacy is the one thingyou share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else. Because you only share the bedroom with each other, you need to keep it that way. Discussing with friends and family what goes on in the bedroom is a surefire way to create embarrassment and resentment in your marriage. Keep intimacy issues between the two of you.

While it’s true that everyone has secrets, that doesn’t mean it’s OK to share your spouse’s with just anyone. Marriages are strengthened as you and your spouse open up to one another, and learn and grow together. Unfortunately, trust is much harder to rebuild once it has been broken; so stay loyal to your spouse by keeping each other’s secrets appropriately.

Aaron Anderson

Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog for expert information on how to improve your relationship.