Communication is key when it comes to marriage. Unfortunately, “How was your day?” doesn’t usually allow the details of life to seep into conversation. Don’t be satisfied with questions that only encourage simple one-word answers. Take time every now and then to delve into these deeper 17 questions for couples to see where your marriage is at.
Are you happy when I’m not around?
Of course you should both be happy when you are together, but if your husband is only happy when he’s with you, that’s a problem. Finding happiness on your own is going to make you stronger people, which will in turn strengthen your marriage.
Is this everything you wanted marriage to be?
It’s been said that “expectation is the root of all heartache.” But that’s only if expectations aren’t met, which will happen if you aren’t communicating what you want out of your life together. Your husband might not say his expectations out loud unless you ask him directly. Ask.
How am I making you a better person?
Marriage should build both partners up, should change the couple for the better, and should focus on the positive aspects of the relationship.
Are we on the same page?
This question can lead to some pretty heavy but vital discussions. Do you have the same thoughts about children? Parenting? Switching careers? Moving to another state? Finances? Education?
Is our relationship healthy? Is it balanced?
Are you both contributing to making this marriage work? Is someone doing more emotionally? Is someone handling all the responsibilities? While you and your partner might not take on totally opposite roles, someone feeling like he or she is doing more work than the other is going to cause conflict.
Who am I?
Obviously your husband knows who you are, but does he really knowwho you are? Asking your husband to describe who he thinks you are is a beautiful opportunity for you both to learn more about each other and yourselves. Do you like what he said? Is his description accurate?
How are we growing together? How are we growing apart?
Marriage will change you both: no one stays the same as time passes. But even if the answers to these questions aren’t what you want them to be, be honest and encourage honesty in your spouse. If you are growing apart, why do you feel distant? How can you change it?
Are you there for me?
It’s important to be supported financially, but does your partner truly support you emotionally? Does your spouse want you to achieve your goals, even the ones he may not think are realistic or credible? On the flip side, ask your husband if he feels like you are really there for him. Make sure by your words and actions he knows you are.
What do you think being in love with me specifically means?
This definition will change over time, but it’s a good question to ask because it helps you both evaluate the romance in the relationship. Don’t let your husband be general. Have him give you specifics! Does this changing definition still give you butterflies?
What was it about me that made you want to marry me?
Though you’ve talked about past relationships before, this is slightly different. What made you different than other people he dated? What caused your marriage to materialize?
Am I still me?
While you both will change through marriage, you don’t want to lose your sense of identity. Checking in to see if you are still the same person you were when you first met can lead to a fun walk down memory lane.
Is there anything about our relationship that scares you?
Don’t shy away from feeling vulnerable and being honest. Knowing what your partner is uncomfortable with gives you the chance to change what needs to be changed in order to add security to your marriage.
How will our relationship be better 5 years? In 20 years?
This question sounds a little general, but bringing out specifics is going to be exciting as you look toward the future. What things will have changed? What habits will have gotten better?
Can you tell me what my goals are?
Take time to check if you and your husband share the same goals. Also check if he knows what you are personally working towards. He can’t give you the support you want if your goals are secret.
Why are you proud of me?
OK, so this could just be a minute of getting some positive feedback and stroking the old ego a bit, but knowing your spouse is proud of you is important. You shouldn’t doubt his support, and it feels good knowing he thinks you are worth bragging about.
What are our major problems or roadblocks?
Hopefully none of these problems come as a surprise, but it gives you both the chance to talk about the shared problems in your marriage. What’s standing in your way to being happier? What specific things can you both do to resolve an issue?
What will never change about you? About me?
This last question has the potential to be adorable…unless he says your eternal habit is hitting the snooze button 18 times before getting up. That’s less cute…but hey, at least he’s honest.