If you’ve ever had to learn a foreign language, you know how confusing it can be. It can take months or even years to become fluent! The foreign language that all womankind seem to speak is no different. After all, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right? Women have a tendency to say one thing and mean something completely different. And men, you tend to see things how they are. No gender is in the wrong here; it’s just the way it is.
Well, no matter how many languages you know, being fluent in Womanese has never been done. At least, not by men. But fear not because here is a tiny glimpse into the things your lady is saying and what she actually means.
“It’s your decision.”
It’s your decision and responsibility to choose what I want.
“Nothing is wrong.”
Something is most definitely wrong.
“You are the best husband ever!”
I just ordered a ton of stuff from Amazon.
“Do you know how much I love you?”
I just bought Target.
“Are you wearing that to dinner?”
Go change. Now.
“What’s mine is yours.”
What’s mine is mine.
“What’s yours is mine.”
(Actually, this is spot on.)
“Did you hear that?”
I noticed you just fell asleep.
“Be honest with me. I promise I won’t get mad.”
I have no intention of getting mad. I also have no control over my emotions, so don’t make me mad!
“I’m just feeling a little frazzled.”
You better bring home dinner, then take all the kids away until their bedtime, which you are also in charge of.
“I could eat anywhere.”
You better choose my favorite restaurant which changes almost daily. Do not fail.
“Who is that text from?”
Please hand over your phone so I can read every text, email, Facebook status, tweet and social media post that has ever been sent to or from you.
“I got it.”
Get over here and finish this chore I asked you to do 10 times already.
“Is there a game on?”
I’m going to go get a mani/pedi.
“Sure! You can leave for the entire weekend to go hunting with your buddies!”
Next weekend I’m going to the spa with my girlfriends.
It’s true, women can be very hard to read, so hopefully this will help you men out. Think of this as a cheat sheet to understanding women. And, ladies, maybe your man needs a little help. Share this with your boyfriend, husband, dad, brother, uncle, friend, crush or ex.
And, guys, if all else fails, just smile and give her chocolate.