You’re a mom now! Becoming a mom for the first time is such an exciting experience and definitely one of the happiest stages in life. It is something you will never experience again. And, to be honest, you are not so sure you want to. Being a mom is not a glamorous job, especially when it’s your first time. Mommy-hood offers up some of the most amazing life changes; along with a few you’d rather not admit to.
Here are 14 signs you’re definitely a new mom:
1. Poop, pee, and vomit: no problem!
Well, as long as it belongs to your baby. Gone are the days of being grossed out. You don’t have that luxury (not that your baby could ever be gross!).
2. You’ve logged the bowel movements of another human
You have an entire notebook and/or spreadsheet dedicated to the time, date and size of your baby’s bowel movements.
3. You don’t think twice about smelling a butt
Someone has to do it.
4. Snot is your best accessory
Your outfit isn’t complete without a little snot on your sleeve. And, when it’s an extra special occasion, a little spaghetti sauce can also be found.
5. You’ve forgotten how to speak “adult”
What? Doesn’t everyone know baby talk? “Potty, din-din, and ouchy” spoken in a high-pitched voice is a universal language.
6. Your breasts are different sizes
You can expect more milk from the larger boob, and you can even stuff your bra, but there is no hiding it.
7. You’ve leaked breast milk all over your shirt
There is nothing quite like the embarrassment of walking around with wet spots, perfectly placed on each boob.
8. You don’t carry a purse
Fashionable handbags are just a fond memory. Diaper bags are all the rage in mommy-hood. In fact, half the time you don’t even remember to put your wallet in it. You’re too preoccupied trying to fit your entire house in the bag.
9. You sway back and forth
Even when you’re not trying to soothe a crying baby, you find yourself swaying from side to side and bouncing while standing in line at the grocery store.
10. You speak in third person
“Mommy loves you!” and “Mommy is hurrying!”
11. You relate so much more to the movie “What About Bob?”
Everything can and should be considered dangerous until proven otherwise.
12. You’ve timed your spouse’s route from work to home
There should be no excuse. Come quitting time, mommy needs a break.
13. You can’t remember the last time you showered
It’s on your to-do list. You really, really want to. You just haven’t found the time. The saying is, “Sleep when they sleep,” and not, “Shower when they sleep,” after all.
14. You feel like your baby’s pediatrician is part of the family
You have him or her under your favorites in your phone. You speak to them more than you speak to your own mother.
Being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind getting rid of some of the tell-tale signs though. Believe it or not, one day you will smile remembering the days of walking around with vomit in your hair.