There are few things as painful as realizing your husband doesn’t love you anymore. While some signs are obvious, most of the warning signs come subtly. These 14 signs can help you know – before it’s too late – if your spouse is falling out of love with you.
1. He avoids being around you when he doesn’t have to
If he only hangs out with you when everyone expects him to, he’s not doing it out of love. He’s doing it out of obligation.
2. He doesn’t put any effort into the relationship
You shouldn’t expect 50/50 effort in a marriage. But if you are giving EVERYTHING, and he is giving close to nothing, that’s a sign he’s lost interest in keeping the relationship healthy.
3. He sends inconsistent messages
Unless he has bipolar disorder, his affection should be relatively consistent. If he gives you the cold shoulder one day and the next day he’s snuggling up to you, this is not a good sign.
4. He only shows appreciation for you on holidays
If he only says “I love you” on special holidays, your husband is most likely living up to social expectations and not actually expressing how he feels.
5. He nitpicks your quirks
Everyone has quirks, and it’s natural that yours might annoy him. But if he consistently complains about tiny quirks you have, he’s not coming from a place of love. He likely wouldn’t be satisfied even if you stopped doing what he claims is annoying.
6. He makes intimacy seem like a chore
Therapist Aaron Anderson said, “It’s okay to have boring sex sometimes (like when you just want to do it because you finally have time and don’t know when you’ll have time again), but if you have boring sex too much, you’ll find it starts bleeding over outside the bedroom.”
If you consistently feel like your husband is not intimate with you when you’re having sex, something is wrong.
7. He doesn’t forgive you
You’re both going to mess up over and over. Love is accepting people’s mistakes and letting go of hurt feelings. It means not bringing up past mistakes. If he can’t do that, he doesn’t love you.
8. He puts EVERYTHING else before you
Things pop up occasionally, but at the end of the day, you need to know that when you really need him, he’ll absolutely be there. Otherwise, his priorities are all wrong.
9. He claims everything is always your fault
There is only room for one love in the mind of someone who always has to be right – and it’s themselves.
10. He treats you more like a roommate and coworker than a lover
If your only conversations are about bills, chores or the children, beware.
11. He doesn’t care about your heartaches
Marriage is in sickness and in health. If he doesn’t comfort you on your worst days, he is only interested in the healthy days of marriage – not during the eras of sickness.
12. He puts you down
There is no room for love in any emotional abuse. Your husband should lift and encourage you. He should be your best support. Destructive words only come from the heart of one who has neglected his love for you.
13. He doesn’t keep his promises
We’re not talking about occasionally forgetting he told you he would take out the trash. This refers to a man who promises to take you on a date, but two years later, it still hasn’t happened. When you love someone, you keep your promises.
14. He resents (and nags about) how you spend your time
Resentment poisons love. If your husband starts to nag about things, like how you spend your time, he’s probably been building up resentment about it for a long time.
The good news is that falling in and out of love is a choice. Your husband may have forgotten how to love you, but you can both choose to fall in love all over again if … you’re both willing to put in the effort.