As a man I’ve observed, through my personal interactions with women, that there are basic things that the majority of women do that majorly hinder winning over a man’s heart. Understanding these things can help women not sabotage their own relationships.
1. Using sex as a weapon
I’m not specifically referring to sex itself, but rather using your body to get all the attention.
Ladies, keep in mind that your image is like a magnet. You attract the type of person that you are presenting yourself as. If you are overly drawing attention to your body, you’ll attract superficial, shallow men instead of intelligent, educated and sensible ones.
A smart woman uses her mind, not her body, because she knows her beauty is actually in her personality, rather than her appearance alone. Physical attraction can bring temporary satisfaction; but personality and character are what actually form a rewarding relationship. Those should be your focus.
2. Being unambitious
Smart, educated men will not be interested in you if you’re way below them intellectually. Raise your standards!
Get a higher education, work toward an ambitious career, read inspirational books to keep your mind active, attend museums and art exhibitions, learn about other cultures and travel when possible, etc. If your standards are high, you’ll attract men with similar standards who are genuinely interested in you.
3. Not taking care of your body
You don’t have to have perfect curves; but do your best to stay in shape and keep looking good. It helps with so many things — from getting a job to getting a boyfriend!
God made your body, and you should take care of it. A woman not taking care of her body comes across as one who doesn’t care about herself enough to respect her own body. The message it sends to men is, “If I do not respect and like myself, why should you?”
4. Being too shy
You need to overcome the fear of initiating a conversation with someone who interests you, as well as allowing that person to approach you. Shyness denotes insecurity, and can make you seem immature. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making the first move. If you don’t approach him, chances are someone else will, and you’ll miss out on a great opportunity.
5. Despising the Golden Rule
The rule “Treat others as you wish to be treated” is very effective in dating. Do not expect him to treat you like a queen if you don’t treat him like a king. If he shows interest first and you don’t return it, beware: He could give up on you. Reciprocity is everything.
6. Trying to control him
Ladies, this is seriously a horribly annoying behavior. No one likes to be given constant orders. Men run away from women who try to change their habits.
Sure, some bad habits (like consistently ditching you for his friends) need to be improved — but not by force. If you value your relationship, you need to know that trying to control your man will only drive him away. If he has nasty habits that you’ve discussed with him, and he doesn’t wish to change, move on and look for someone better suited for you.
7. Being jealous
Jealousy usually comes from insecurity. Unless you want a quick exit to single life, learn to love yourself as much as you love your man. Analyze your own feelings and the possible causes of your insecurity, and then look at your relationship. How is it now and how do you wish it were? Then talk to him and try to negotiate a solution. You can only win!
8. Being clingy
I’m an exception among men, because I love a clingy woman; but most men hate it. Take it easy! Don’t obsess over him. Don’t try to claim “ownership.” You must earn him, not kidnap him.
9. Having no opinion
Another quite annoying thing is when a woman won’t let the man know how she truly thinks and feels. Frankness and sincerity must be a two-way street. Men dislike when women change their opinions to match what they think the man wants to hear.
10. Making him beg for forgiveness
Only weak or immature men accept such behavior. Unless you want a slave rather than a mature and determined man, don’t expect him to grovel to earn your forgiveness. This in no way creates a balanced and rewarding relationship. He will make mistakes — and you will too. Forgive him.
Love someone like you would want to be loved, and you’ll have great chances of finding lifelong love.
And remember: Even after marriage, you still need to date and flirt daily.
This article was translated and adapted from the original article, “10 erros imperdoáveis da mulher ao tentar conquistar um homem,” originally published on Familias.com.